IN
by Atheniandream
Summary: Summary. She has to. He has to. It has to be. A One-shot fic. Season Three Spoiler Spec included although small. BETA'D.


Summary. She **has** to. So he has to. And it has to be. _A_ _One-shot. (Some Season 3 Spoilers)_

Notes: One-shot. No backsees.

* * *

**'In'**

By Atheniandream

* * *

It's not the first time that he's objected to another man in her life. He never knows that he does it, too focused on how he's feeling to think of _what_ he's feeling and how that's making him act like he does. Even after he'd found out about what had really happened with her and Carl, he still doesn't get it, doesn't get what he does to every guy who gets close.

She's actually happy for the first time in a long time. She feels loved, and valued and wants more. She never wants more; it's a habit within herself that keeps cropping up, and unlike Rachel and her constantly fluctuating relationship – which is understandable with a father who never showed her enough love – **_she_** had a solid upbringing. Her father was an angel; and yet…she's still having problems with men.

Just not the men she ever dates. They too, seem to be angels in some form.

It seems that she is sardonically blessed; with seemingly perfect creatures throwing their hearts away at her feet, whilst she ties herself to a man laced with the devil.

_Church camp would have a field day with her now... _

She hasn't pieced together why she's here yet.

_They had a fight. _

The undercurrent of it was about a guy, who wasn't happy about another guy, and about a woman.

She was the woman.

Then she had another fight…with another man.

There was pattern.

She'd numbed out the specifics with Rachel; with whom she had immediately gone to and spent more than the average drinkable amount of wine for the time allotted. Her head is still relatively clear, considering the weight of the issue.

_Fourteen years of the same dysfunction was suddenly fourteen years too long._

When he opens the door, he glances around at the clock deliberately before looking back at her, as if to make a point.

"Don't give me that." She bites at him. He immediately slumps, stalking down the hallway.

She follows, shutting the door with an almost slam, following him to where he stands in the lounge, dark shadows bouncing of the glass walls that hold them both.

When she reaches him, it is apparent that there is defence all over his face; a quiet refusal to hear anything despite him letting her into his home.

Suddenly, rehashing their fight isn't what's on her mind.

"You have to stop." She says.

"Stop what now?" He frowns, shuffling.

"You don't even know that you do it, do you?" She says, trying to see through him, until she rolls her eyes, his still unwavering oblivion starting to catch her less pliable mood.

"It's late, Donna. What?" He says, the snap of his voice booming in the large room.

"You change. When I start seeing someone that starts to mean something, anything, you change. They notice. I notice. _You_, seem to be the only one that doesn't notice." She finishes, a tad more sarcasm coming to the fore than she'd meant there to be.

"Like what?" He asks; his face guarded and somehow still open.

"You get defensive. Over-protective; you ask me to stay late more often than is necessary as if you _just know_ when date night is,"

"Isn't date night just… a night. The same night?" He excuses. His lost tone frustrates her all the more as she huffs in his face.

"Harvey, you enquire about the guy like I'm not actually dating him, but that I'm actually running some underground escort service. It's killing every relationship I have. It's not fair."

"I didn't know that I, that it was...doing that…" He says, vacant once more.

"You've known it since the mock trial, Harvey. Don't give me that shit." She snaps at him.

"He asked you to choose._ I_ didn't."

"No. But that didn't mean you weren't a certain way… that he couldn't deal with it, Harvey."

"And what about you, huh? You're completely faultless in this?" He eyes her, a spark lighting in the back of his head as his chin juts out at her constant accusations.

"Of course, I choose you. Maybe I shouldn't have." She huffs again, shaking her head.

"Look, if we're talking about obstruction here, what about Zoe?"

"What about her?"

"You couldn't help meddling in that situation. It's not the first and it wasn't the last."

"I wanted you to be happy, Harvey. I tried to nudge. I always try, for **_you_**."

"You push." He accuses then. It knocks her, because she backtracks instantly.

"I'm serious, Harvey. This has to stop, it's not fair. And Zoe didn't leave you because of me, she left because of you. I can't lose another guy in my life because of you,"

"Donna,"

"**I mean it**."

Their collective breathing causes a silence to merge.

"Maybe you're the reason that they don't work out; you ever think about that?" He lands the question, heavy and blunt.

"I do. But it's not just that, I've…tried… a lot lately. I tried…with Stephen,"

It's a topic that they don't bring up. It caused an uneveness back then, and it hasn't lost it's affect.

"That wasn't…he wasn't good enough for you, Donna." He says, his voice turning soft.

"He was perfect, and you know it." She chides, her words throwing. "He just couldn't cope with **_you_**. And he didn't want to lose another woman that he loved **_to_** **_you_**."

"That's not my fault." He shakes his head slowly, letting the words fall out.

"I think that if you think about it,"

"It's not."

"Then you'll see that it was. God Harvey… I can't do it anymore!" She almost shouts at him.

He scrutinises her once more.

"You still… love me, don't you?" He asks, just above a whisper.

"No. _**No.**_" She refuses, alarm reaching her features. "I am sick and tired of answering that question for people."

"I'm not people."

"It doesn't matter anymore; **_I'm_** the one with the boyfriend. Do you… love me?"

He's silent, slowly shut down, that unreadable mask on his face.

"Do you love me, Harvey?"

"I…" There's something in his throat. Whether it's a consonant or a vowel she's not sure. A 'd' could mean anything, everything and nothing. She hates the way her interest piques at the possibility.

"Have a feeling Harvey, for god's sake. It's a question; it's not going to kill you. And I should know, if it did have the power to then I would be the lone surivior of more than enough drive-bys…"

"Donna…you know that…I care about you."

"But…you're not in love with me?" She offers.

"I…"

"Just say it."

When he looks at her she genuinely wants him to.

"I don't think so…" He says.

"I haven't got time for your grey lack of feeling, Harvey. Either yes or no; White or black; Day or..."

"Later that day?" He jokes, the humour in it falling flat.

"Harvey." She warns, her head shaking at the guttural need for an answer.

"Then… No." He says. The words leave them both vacant for a moment.

Her eyes widen, but her expression stays gamed. She swallows heavily her mouth readying itself.

"Right. So…if you're not in love with me, then you have to make room for the man that does. Okay? Because I'm…_in love_, Harvey, and I don't want to lose him because of what we have. I can't anymore. Do you understand that?" She says; her voice thick. There's a plead in there somewhere way in the back.

It's the first time she's ever outright cried in front of him. Frustration finds her bare, as she wipes her face roughly.

"I understand." His voice catches on the words but it's enough.

"So, starting from now… I can't be at your beck and call; and for holidays; every late evening that you need help…get Mike…or Rachel or hire someone else. I'll be here, and I will still be the most fabulous secretary in Manhattan from 7:30 till 8pm. But some things will change."

"I don't want them to change." It's the firmest his words have been so far.

"Bring on the last fourteen years! Things **_will_** change. And…when he comes by the office, if he does, you are to be cordial. None of your usual abruptness or metaphorical peeing around my desk, k?"

"I don't do that…" His eyes crinkle somewhat at the notion.

"You do."

"Really?" He asks, suddenly unsure.

She eyes him, redder than before but no less potent a stare.

"Really. _And_ I will be taking a holiday; soon. And I may even get engaged, or have a baby, or move and you can't say a thing, unless it's congratulatory, okay?"

He's oddly quiet, for such a tactful man.

"Harvey. Say something." She presses.

"If that's…what you want,"

"It is." She says, resolute.

"Then… yes." He finally says; his eyes connecting with hers in a way that makes her stomach churn and knot.

"_Promise me_." She asks.

"I promise." He agrees, quietly.

"Good." She says, straightening somewhat. "Well...I guess…I'll see you Monday?" She places a smile on her lips, a knowing glance at him.

"Yeah; of course." He says, his features softening.

He watches her quietly close the door behind her. An impulse strikes, but he doesn't move until he knows she's gone.

* * *

When he opens the door, somehow Mike's not surprised to see Harvey standing there. _Why break a habit..._

"Hey." Mike says; a frown knitting over a half-smile.

"Hey." Harvey replies. He's oddly sheepish, for a man who usually walks in like he owns the place, a restlessness in him that people don't often see.

Mike leans against the door jam, pyjama clad and unsuspicious. "You wanna come in?" He gestures.

"Thanks." His 'thanks' is quiet and low; almost thoughtful as he graces the threshold.

He turns to the refrigerator, pulling out a beer and opening it, handing it to Harvey.

"So…what brings you here at this late hour?" There is a suspension, the telling sign that Mike knows exactly why his Boss is lingering outside his apartment at 1:00am.

"I…" He stalls once more. Then a thought occurs, a sad smile tinting the edges of his expression. "I think…_I think_ I just let Donna go." He says.

"Really," He replies. He's not surprised and it isn't a question.

_It was inevitable, either way._

"Yeah. She said I…stopped any guy from getting close to her. That I got in the way."

"Harvey Specter getting in the way; can't be." There is a playfulness, a caring hint as he eyes his older friend.

There is a ghost of a smile on Harvey's lips as he continues.

"She said, in a roundabout way, that I was what ruined her relationship with Stephen, and the ones before, the ones after."

"She did? Wow. Well…I have to admit. I think the situation with Stephen was complicated, but… you **were** over-protective of her."

"She said that too..."

"_Of course she did_,"

"Mike, I care about her; I didn't want her to get hurt." He says. It sounds like an excuse, even if he is glaring to accomodate it.

"_Come on_. She wasn't getting hurt. He proved that it wasn't a play, more than enough times. He….really liked her, you know."

It occurs to Harvey, that maybe Donna and Mike and Rachel and Jessica all knew Stephen Huntley more than he ever did.

"Yeah?" Harvey winces. It's not often Mike sees that kind of humility from his Boss.

"Yes." He confirms. "He told me."

"Well… she's happy now. So," The words linger, the heaviness of his beer resting as the moisture cools his hands. He's suddenly distracted by Mike's acute stare.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?" The young man asks.

"You're not usually so polite, so…go ahead." The usual 'Harvey Specter' droll flows out, readying him.

"_Are_ you in love with her?"

He weighs the beer once more, idly studying his hand in the process. "No…I don't think I am. I'm not sure it would be easier if I was."

"Have you ever… been…**_in_** love?"

"No." The answer rolls off his tongue without a moment to think on it. _He doesn't need to. He's sure._

Mike just nods.

A moment passes between them, quiet and seemingly comfortable until Mike shuffles a little.

"Then how do you know?" Mike asks; his words careful.

Harvey swallows the liquid, the cool slightly harsh taste milling past his lungs.

"I know this. I just want her to be happy. And, I don't want her to…feel like loving me is killing her. Which I think it has, in the past."

A flurry of thoughts, little ideas pass past the young man's mouth. None fit right.

One harsh truth seems to settle, though.

"Then…you have to let her go, Harvey."

He nods, his eyes returning to the beer.

"Yeah... **_I did_**." He says.

* * *

_'Turn down the lights,_

_Turn down the bed,_

_Turn down these voices, inside my head._

_Lay down with me,_

_Tell me no lies,_

_Just hold me close, don't patronize me_

_Don't patronize me._

_Cause I can't make you love me_

_If you don't_

_You can't make your heart feel_

_Something it won't_

_Here in the dark_

_In these final hours_

_I will lay down my heart_

_I feel the power but you don't_

_No, you don't_

_Cause I can't make you love me, If you don't._

_If you don't,_

_No you won't,_

_I close my eyes_

_I won't see_

_The love you don't feel_

_When you're holding me_

_Morning will come and I'll do what's right_

_Just give me til then to give up this fight_

_And I will give up this fight_

_Cause I can't make you love me if you don't_

_I can't make your heart feel something it won't_

_Here in the dark in these final hours_

_I will lay down my heart_

_I feel the power but you don't_

_No you don't_

_I can't make you love me if you don't_

_If you don't,_

_No, you won't_

_I found love darling,_

_I found love darling,_

_I found love darling,_

_I found love darling, yeah_

_I found love darling, darling, darling_

_Love in a nick of time_

_I found love darling, yeah_

_Love in a nick of time'_

**_~'I Can't make you love me/Nick of time' By Bon Iver_**

* * *

**_Notes: _**

**_There's something that never sits right with me. And I think it's the notion that the writers only ever meant for Donna's love to be unrequited. To me, it fits perfectly, with Harvey's reaction and I identify with it. I feel like they have noticed us (The Fangirls) seeing something between them on-screen and wanting more to come out of their relationship. But when it comes back to it, the idea that she is tied to a man she is in love with that doesn't see her like that but has grown comfortable with her being his security blanket, just keeps coming back to me. I do love writing them though. This is a rest-stop between Stories._**


End file.
